Written in March and posted in June… just because!

It’s been winter. That’s it really, the reason I have not managed post a single thing for… i don’t know, months. Not that I don’t come to my couch and my lovely vaio every evening while QI hums in the background while E snoozes and the cat harasses.

And goddamn but this full time working mother things sure saps me of energy, leaving me with enough to get through the day, survive until the weekend and then whirl around to do chores, see family, do some yoga and maybe get a chance to get some down time.

But its the winter that froze me down. As though my mind too had gone into its winter fug, a mental settling down for a couple of months whilst storms raged overhead and now the sun is back in our hemisphere, and the warmth is creeping through slowly. I feel like I am waking up again.

But it’s an meta thing. My days have been busy. Demanding. Stimulated on all fronts I get up at 7:00 and from that moment on I am accountable and answerable to someone else. A mother, a sister a partner, a PA.

I have been riding to work every day (bar the snow and puncture weeks). It’s been months now and every day it is still a revelation. I still love the constant forwardness it offers, and wonderful ride through Hyde Park every day is a joy. Today as I rode the sun was still high off the horizon, and I was riding into the setting sun. A red gold high in the sky and deep grey green haze in the low shadows. The geese are still on the serpentine now as I ride past in the evening. One month ago my ride was in the dark and the only thing moving are the twinkling lights of other cyclists.

My Garden calls. Every day I peer out the window waiting for the days when the conservatory doors a flung wide, the lawn is lusher and flowers bloom. Already the buds are through and I have daffs and sweet smelling hyacinths to draw me out. Buds on the trees sheen and there is that wonderful sense of anticipation.

I need more time. I miss my friends and see less of my family than I want to, but into each weekend I need to concertina everything I am unable to do in my work week. I live in bigger cycles. Eight months between visits to people I adore. Two weeks between siblings. Almost no time for just us. Certainly no time for sitting on the couch just me and my fingers and my keyboard.